George Bush and Condoleezza Rice

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George Bush and condoleezza rice

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

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Source: http://www.freewebs.com/lfriedma/funny.html

How To Treat Others: 5 Lessons

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1. First Important Lesson – “Know The Cleaning Lady”

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say “hello.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2. Second Important Lesson – “Pickup In The Rain”

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: “Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.”

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3. Third Important Lesson – “Remember Those Who Serve”

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “50¢,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “35¢!” she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


4. Fourth Important Lesson – “The Obstacles In Our Path”

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand – “Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.”

5. Fifth Important Lesson – “Giving When It Counts”

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save her.”

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Author: Unknwon

Source: http://www.globalone.tv/profiles/blogs/how-to-treat-others-5-lessons

The Charles Schultz Philosophy

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Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz , the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you’ll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world .

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.



How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.



Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school…

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


Easier?
I love this!


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care.


Share this with those who have made a difference in your life.
I just did!

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.
It’s already tomorrow in Australia …”

-Charles Schultz

Source: http://www.binscorner.com/pages/f/fw-the-charles-schultz-philosophy.html

Warren Buffet: Happiness redefined

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Warren Buffet - Charity

SOURCE: http://pass-forward.blogspot.com/2010/06/warren-buffet-oracle-of-omaha.html

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

Things were very cheap that time;

Encourage your children to invest.

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with saving from delivering newspapers.

One could have bought many things with the little savings.

Encourage your children to start some kind of business.

3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house.

His house does not have a wall or fence.

Don’t buy more than what you really need

and encourage your children to do and think the same.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

You are what you are.

5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world’s largest private jet company.

Always think how you can accomplish things economically.

6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.

Assign the right people to the right jobs.

7. He has given his CEO’s only two rules.

Rule No. 1: Do not lose any of your share holder’s money.

Rule No. 2: Do not forget rule no. 1.

Set goals and make sure people focus on them.

8. He does not socialized with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.

Don’t try to show off.

Just be yourself and do what you enjoy doing.

9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cellphone or has a computer on his desk.

10. Bill Gates, the world’s richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago.

Bill Gates did not thought he had anything in common with Warren Buffet, so he scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for 10 hours and Bill Gates become a devotee of Warren Buffet.

HIS ADVICE TO YOUNG PEOPLE:

“Stay away from credit cards (bank loans) and invest in yourself and remember:

- Money doesn’t create man but it is the man who created money.

- Live your life as simple as you are.

- Don’t do what others’ say, just listen to them, but do what you feel is good.

- Don’t go on brand name; just wear those things which you feel comfortable.

- Don’t waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who are really in need.

-After all, its your life, then why give chance to others to rule our life?

Happiness Redefined - Warren Buffet

Hope you enjoyed the post. Do you really think that we can find happiness in life by adapting to simplicity? Moreover if you keep appreciating what you have, will there be room for growth/Improvement?


Let me know  your thoughts !!


Monkeys and Bananas – Corporate Policies

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funny blog, company policy, humorous blog

Source: Unknown

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done round here.

And that, my friends, is how company policies are made.

Complexity of Women Vs Simplicity of Men

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Source: Filed under “Jokes” in SiliconIndia website.

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don’t know what to do, I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a total disaster now.  :’(

2 – HIS DIARY

Today INDIA lost the cricket match.. DAMN…

Cricket match fans

With my beautiful chinese flatmate !!!

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It was the beginning of spring. I had just completed my Masters in France and got an internship offer in a city called Marseille. I moved into this new city and to my luck I found a place to live in the city centre. The apartment was pretty decent. Though it was a huge apartment it just had one bathroom.

After a couple of days I found out that except me, all the others living in the 6 bedroom flat were girls. All the girls looked cute but I liked a Chinese girl in particular. She introduced herself to me as “seow” which I believe is “small” in Chinese. I don’t know her real name. Luckily, she was the one whom I got to see very often and I developed some kind of crush for her. She is very much interested in cooking just like many other Chinese girls and the only thing I knew in cooking was to make hot water. But I pretended as if I was a great cook of Indian dishes so that I could interact with her whenever she was in the kitchen. She taught me so many things about Chinese cooking. One day she found out that I don’t even know to make pasta properly. She gave a strong look which might have had thousand different meanings but the predominant one was “Now I know that you know nothing in cooking”. Shit happens!!! I told to myself.

Days passed. I was hoping that something cool would happen but nothing really happened. I was getting tired of all the failed attempts to take her out. Finally, my dream knocked my door. YES! She came to my room to talk with me. That was the first time she visited my room. Needless to say that my room was tidy just like any other bachelor’s room (Pun intended). She looked around for a while and started talking. She started saying how miserable her life was in Marseille as she is neither good in French nor in English. Suddenly, she diverted the topic and told me how she managed her daily life. Though I was perplexed about why she is giving me her daily schedules, I also felt happy that she is sharing everything with me and felt that is some kind of sign. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach getting their lives back and starting to fly again.

That weekend, I gathered my courage/confidence which was pretty low due to the earlier failed attempts and asked her out again. She smiled and said NO. I was really shocked this time. What went wrong?

After hours of thinking I remembered the cross cultural communication course I had as part of my Masters and the fact that the Chinese are very indirect in communication. After few more minutes of hitting my head against the wall I realized that all the while she had been trying to tell me her schedule only because I had been occupying the bathroom for too long. Needless to say that most of the times it was conflicting with her daily schedule. Was everything just about the bathroom?
Damn! Is cultural understanding needed to get even a date? I swore not to let my fantasies grow again. I began to respect the differences. Things worked out pretty well and I lived happily ever after as i began to date my algerian flatmate with whom i had no differences!! :p

"chinese angel"

Chinese flatmate

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