George Bush and Condoleezza Rice

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George Bush and condoleezza rice

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

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Source: http://www.freewebs.com/lfriedma/funny.html

Monkeys and Bananas – Corporate Policies

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funny blog, company policy, humorous blog

Source: Unknown

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done round here.

And that, my friends, is how company policies are made.

Complexity of Women Vs Simplicity of Men

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Source: Filed under “Jokes” in SiliconIndia website.

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don’t know what to do, I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a total disaster now.  😥

2 – HIS DIARY

Today INDIA lost the cricket match.. DAMN…

Cricket match fans

With my beautiful chinese flatmate !!!

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It was the beginning of spring. I had just completed my Masters in France and got an internship offer in a city called Marseille. I moved into this new city and to my luck I found a place to live in the city centre. The apartment was pretty decent. Though it was a huge apartment it just had one bathroom.

After a couple of days I found out that except me, all the others living in the 6 bedroom flat were girls. All the girls looked cute but I liked a Chinese girl in particular. She introduced herself to me as “seow” which I believe is “small” in Chinese. I don’t know her real name. Luckily, she was the one whom I got to see very often and I developed some kind of crush for her. She is very much interested in cooking just like many other Chinese girls and the only thing I knew in cooking was to make hot water. But I pretended as if I was a great cook of Indian dishes so that I could interact with her whenever she was in the kitchen. She taught me so many things about Chinese cooking. One day she found out that I don’t even know to make pasta properly. She gave a strong look which might have had thousand different meanings but the predominant one was “Now I know that you know nothing in cooking”. Shit happens!!! I told to myself.

Days passed. I was hoping that something cool would happen but nothing really happened. I was getting tired of all the failed attempts to take her out. Finally, my dream knocked my door. YES! She came to my room to talk with me. That was the first time she visited my room. Needless to say that my room was tidy just like any other bachelor’s room (Pun intended). She looked around for a while and started talking. She started saying how miserable her life was in Marseille as she is neither good in French nor in English. Suddenly, she diverted the topic and told me how she managed her daily life. Though I was perplexed about why she is giving me her daily schedules, I also felt happy that she is sharing everything with me and felt that is some kind of sign. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach getting their lives back and starting to fly again.

That weekend, I gathered my courage/confidence which was pretty low due to the earlier failed attempts and asked her out again. She smiled and said NO. I was really shocked this time. What went wrong?

After hours of thinking I remembered the cross cultural communication course I had as part of my Masters and the fact that the Chinese are very indirect in communication. After few more minutes of hitting my head against the wall I realized that all the while she had been trying to tell me her schedule only because I had been occupying the bathroom for too long. Needless to say that most of the times it was conflicting with her daily schedule. Was everything just about the bathroom?
Damn! Is cultural understanding needed to get even a date? I swore not to let my fantasies grow again. I began to respect the differences. Things worked out pretty well and I lived happily ever after as i began to date my algerian flatmate with whom i had no differences!! :p

"chinese angel"

Chinese flatmate